Faith© by Celsi Jude Erwing

You pray to me
As if I’m the god that saved you
I’m simply the whore
You left her for

Sing of my glory
Was it the glory or were you high?
You always believed
Idolizing me to death

I am not Jesus
Yet you sacrificed me as such
Asked me for forgiveness
Wept at my feet

The good book is closed
All the chapters have been written
Decipher it how you will
You dyslexic fuck

You never understood my words anyway.

Paper Doll© by Celsi Jude Erwing

Don’t look at me like
You’re the eye of the needle
Just pulling me through
When the truth is
You’re ripping and tearing
Breaking me apart at the seams

[You] Made me a paper doll
Toying with me
Turning me into someone else
The passion, once on fire
Has branded my flesh
Burned away the edges of me

Tethered© by Celsi Jude Erwing

I always loved you.
Even while you held me down and force-fed me your lies.
You never choked on the words you swore were true.

I begged to be released.
You never planned to let me go, did you?
Just held me captive forever in your fantasy.

No matter how I screamed,
You promised it would all be better soon.
Feed me again. Kill me with your poisoned fruit.

(The saddest part is that I learned to love from you.)

Long time no see.....

Just curious if there was anyone waiting for any new blogs from me. If so, let me know here.

Tonight I feel nostalgic? Is that the right word? Sometimes I wish we could turn back the hands of time and do some things differently. Yet, my logical side asks "why?" when I have no regrets. I suppose that tonight it is because someone reminded me of how things used to be when I was struggling so hard just to make ends meet. I was reminiscing of a time when I was much happier and had so much less.

When these thoughts arise, I often wonder if people who have everything wish they had a little bit less. Do they ever wish to reclaim the fighting spirit and abandon the prize they have now? I wonder...

My daughter and I were talking the other day about a non-profit organization called "Doorstep". I told her that we had used their services several times when she was little. We also used the services of "Let's Help", another local non-profit orgainization. Nowadays, we are contributors to these organizations, as well as the Shawnee County Rescue Mission (whose services were not used, fortunately). It never fails, whenever we make a contribution, and I begin to share my many thanks for their dedication to helping others, I always get a little heartfelt pride that I am now able to give back.

Please keep in mind your local organizations that help the needy and try to give when you can. Someone needs YOUR help today.

Four-Day Weekend?? Yeah, right!

I very rarely ever take vacation time from work. I'd just rather not use my time unless I need to, or unless I'm going out of town on a trip. So having a four-day weekend is awesome. At least, it's supposed to be.

A month or so back, my baby girl got a job at a local retailer. Of course SHE did not get four days off. AND her employer was open early on BLACK FRIDAY. If you've read previous blogs, you may recall that my daughter doesn't drive (by choice).

Thursday she had to be in at 7am. UGH! That's what time I usually get up to be at my 8am job.
Friday she had to be in at SIX AM! Double UGH!!
Saturday and Sunday weren't quite so bad: 9am and 8am.

But, at least my baby's got a job.

Saturday, I spent most of the day with my semi-estranged boyfriend? best friend? I'm not sure what the relationship is. Is that healthy?

Sunday, my ex-husband took me to brunch and we went bowling. I haven't gone bowling in YEARS. (He won once, I won once. There was no tie-breaking game played.)

Now, I have to go back to work tomorrow. Although I did get some relaxing time off over the past four days, I still think it's crazy that I had to get up so dang early for them all.

Orianthi - According To You

Orianthi - According To You Lyrics

According to you
I’m stupid,
I’m useless,
I can’t do anything right.
According to you
I’m difficult,
hard to please,
forever changing my mind.
I’m a mess in a dress,
can’t show up on time,
even if it would save my life.
According to you. According to you.

But according to him
I’m beautiful,
incredible,
he can’t get me out of his head.
According to him
I’m funny,
irresistible,
everything he ever wanted.
Everything is opposite,
I don’t feel like stopping it,
so baby tell me what I got to lose.
He’s into me for everything I’m not,
according to you.

According to you
I’m boring,
I’m moody,
you can’t take me any place.
According to you
I suck at telling jokes cause I always give it away.
I’m the girl with the worst attention span;
you’re the boy who puts up with it.
According to you. According to you.

But according to him
I’m beautiful,
incredible,
he can’t get me out of his head.
According to him
I’m funny,
irresistible,
everything he ever wanted.
Everything is opposite,
I don’t feel like stopping it,
so baby tell me what I got to lose.
He’s into me for everything I’m not,
according to you.

I need to feel appreciated,
like I’m not hated. oh no
Why can’t you see me through his eyes?
It’s too bad you’re making me dizz-ay

According to me
you’re stupid,
you’re useless,
you can’t do anything right.
But according to him
I’m beautiful,
incredible,
he can’t get me out of his head.
According to him
I’m funny,
irresistible,
everything he ever wanted.
Everything is opposite,
I don’t feel like stopping it,
baby tell me what I got to lose.
He’s into me for everything I’m not,
according to you. [you, you]
According to you. [you, you]

According to you
I’m stupid,
I’m useless,
I can’t do anything right

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Mommy Dearest

When my daughter was a child, people always called me "Mommy Dearest" because they always felt that I was too hard on her. I was very strict. In fact, my daughter tells people that she was raised militantly. There was always a time and place to cut loose and have fun. Several times while we were out in public, when she began misbehaving, I would simply tell her "this is not your playground", and she would straighten up right away. Afterwards, in the car or when we got home, we would share in fun time. I was very strict, but I always tried to make the rewards for good behavior well worth it.

My daughter, now almost 20 years old, is grounded for a month. She is two weeks into her stint without complaint. Her grounding is just as it sounds: NO GOING OUT. She leaves with me for errands or to go to work. That is all. She has not even asked to go out with her friends because she knows that she made a mistake and a price must be paid. Again, it was just how she was raised.

I was talking to a friend of mine who has 3 children. All parents do their parenting differently, just as all children must be raised in a fashion that works for them. As with most friends, we often times share tales of what our children are up to. This includes the good things as well as the bad. After sharing the story of grounding my adult aged daughter, my friend said to me with astonishment "I didn't know you could ground a 20 year old!" I just laughed.

A few days later, I was getting ready to leave work for a short bit, just long enough to pick my daughter up from work and take her home before returning to work myself. I called her to see if she was ready to leave and was informed, to my dismay, that a friend of her's was there and would take her home. I could not believe it! Calmly, I explained to her that she knew this was not acceptable. She said that she had not asked her friend to pick her up. Nevertheless, her friend showed up there as my daughter was getting off work. With a stern voice, I told her "I will see you at home in 5 minutes." At home, the problem was quickly resolved with a short talk. I explained to my child that, although she had not actually broken any rules, she should tell her friend how the gesture, regardless of intent, could have backlashed and made the punishment longer. That's right. That's how it is with me.

Again, back at work, discussing what happened, my friend said "wow, you really ARE strict!" My daughter called shortly after about a concert she had been planning to go to for months. At the end of the conversation, we exchanged "I love you's" and ended the conversation. This left my friend in complete awe. She told me that if she were to punish one of her kids, they would be so mad at her and not even talk to her.

Nowadays, you always hear people griping and complaining about discipline; there's too much or not enough. I don't think that I'm pulling my hair out because parents do or don't discipline their kids. I'm angry that parents aren't parenting, aren't controlling in situations that require it, and aren't relaxed and participant enough at times when they could and should be.

This is my story, my rant, my opinion. You don't have to like it, agree with it, or understand it. My point to this story is that I am proud to have a daughter who may have faults, but is understanding enough to accept the consequences maturely. I'm a proud momma. :)

Falling Slowly Lyrics

I don't know you
But I want you
All the more for that
Words fall through me
And always fool me
And I can't react
And games that never amount
To more than they're meant
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you have a choice
You'll make it now

Falling slowly, eyes that know me
And I can't go back
Moods that take me and erase me
And I'm painted black
You have suffered enough
And warred with yourself
It's time that you won

Take this sinking boat and point it home
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice you had a choice
You've made it now
Falling slowly sing your melody
I'll sing along

Birthday

My birthday came and went and I'm still waiting for the "Happy" part to kick in. I'm totally and completely stressed out with work stuff (which I can't go into on here), I am having a "budget crisis" lately, I'm hot all the time, and... AND!!!... I got emotional in front of all my friends!!! UGH! I'm too young for this!!

I think the "crying" thing is what really irritates me the most. I didn't actually cry in front of them, but I was on the verge and they knew it. Fortunately, I excused myself in the nick of time to cover it up gracefully. A couple days later, one of my girl friends said something to me about it. She said it kinda freaked her out because I never let anything get to me like that. At least, not enough to show it outwardly like that. Hey, now they know I'm human like everyone else.

On to happier things........ For my birthday, I got several crazy and funny cards from friends and family. :) In several of these cards were gift certificates for coffee, more coffee, and clothes shopping! (I love coffee!! and shopping!!) Justin took me shopping for kitchen gadgets and the new Daughtry CD. (Awesome!!) Mac took me out for a steak lunch and some shopping. And my baby girl bought me some new books. I LOVE getting presents!!!

Two more years til the big Four-O! UGH! Oh well, I'm gonna TRY to enjoy 38 as long as I can. Where did the time go??? LOL!

Der-Ah-Ma!

It's been way over a month since I've posted anything here and I'm truly sorry. And over the last month, there has been some drama in our home. Now, I'm not big on drama. I prefer that it stay the heck away from me! But, this little tidbit grabbed hold, bit deep, and would NOT shake loose until I sprayed it down with some "Dram-away"!! LOL.

The jist of the story is this:

I got a roommate - someone who I thought I knew, and apparently didn't
know as well as I thought - and then I kicked him out when he sexually harrassed
me verbally!! He did not take me seriously (obviously) and instead of moving
out, he took a 2-week vacation to New York. [Niiiiice] He was issued a written
eviction notice and while he was gone, I took the liberty of packing his things
for him and changing the locks. Bye bye Roomy.

There are many details to this story, but some are disturbing while others are simply disgusting (like what I found in his room while packing his stuff). I won't share them with you here.

On to better things....

MY BIRTHDAY IS COMING!! That's right... I'll be 29 again (and again, and again, and AGAIN.) Yeah!! I love presents! And cake! And hanging out with my friends to celebrate ME. LOL.

I have big plans for when I turn - [uh-hum] - 30, which is right around the corner (and has been for a long time). Alex and I have discussed this plan several times. I want to move away from my home state and find somewhere else to be. I'm so tired of the hum-drum same 'ol city and the fact that everything "new" around here serves food! Can't they liven up this joint with something besides restaurants??? Puh-lease!!

Although we haven't set our minds on any specific place, we have tossed around some ideas. All of those new places that we've discussed are in the Northern United States. We'll see where we land. As I said, no specifics have been chosen yet. We just know we want someplace cool/cold with little to no humidity.

Anything else to tell you?? Alex has moved back into her room. Yeah! She's very happy with that and, as I've expressed before, so is her daddy. She's back to babysitting and lazily looking for a job. We've come full circle very quickly! She still would like to move out again, but she's in much less of a hurry than she was the first time.

Alex learned some very valuable lessons in a short period of time. There are things about herself that she is working on and things she has already fixed (with a little bit of input from momma). I think one of the important lessons she has learned is "sometimes you have to re-evaluate the people you think are your friends". I still don't approve of ALL the people she hangs out with, but she is slowly weeding out the ones who are really bad.

Life is sweet again.

STUPID FACEBOOK!!! / Birthday!!!

Facebook is killing my online blog! Not only is Facebook one of those websites that you have to constantly have to keep updated (expectantly), but it takes sooooooooo long to maneuver through. "Everyone's doing it"! Blah!

Now that I'm done with that minor little rant.... Alex's birthday is TOMORROW!! Yeah! I haven't gotten her anything, but then she did tell me that all she wanted from me this year was to get her hair done. I've seen the cut and the color she wants. I approve of the color (chocolate brown), but the cut is another story. I just don't see her with some punk rocker hairdo. Nope, can't see it.

Alex's daddy was going to take her to get a tattoo... A TATTOO!!! for her birthday. I told him "no". I just think that for something that's going to be permanent on your body, you better think long and hard about it. AND, I think you should pay for it yourself.

Baby Girl is still without a job, but is going to start watching her niece again this week. Yeah! The itty-bitty-baby-girl (i-b-b-g) is so sweet and cute. Plus, Alex is VERY parental with her. We have a "no bulls**t" rule in my house. That means we don't take no crap. I-B-B-G is very well behaved when she's over here. She has manners and is polite and considerate. Well, as polite and considerate as any 3 year old can be. LOL. She's so cute!

Tomorrow, my baby turns 19. Where does the time go??

Foamy the Squirrel

Do you ever get tired of people griping and whining about this, that, and everything else?? If not, check this out: http://www.foamyfanatics.net/episodes/released.php

Photos of Reunion

The challenge here is remembering who everyone is. Let me see if I can do this: (Left to Right in photo above) Front Row: Scott Albright, Amy Fisk, Shawn Root, Staci Dillon, Christie Carver, Sue Kern, Shelly Thornburg, Leslie Hamilton, Penny Martin. Back Row: Darrin Lee (yellow shirt w/ no face) Jerra Sturgeon, Deb Wilson, Julia Wise, Steve Miller, Mark Kesler, Carlos, Kenny Wege, Jeff Stithem, and I can't remember who that last guy is. Damn!

Me & Mark with Penny.

Left to Right: Me, Staci, Penny, Jerra, Mark, Steve

Is it HOT in here, or is it ME? - High School Reunion

My 20th High School Reunion was this weekend. I was soooo very not excited for this. Here's the scoop. I hated high school. I never thought I was popular, although I think everyone knew who I was. We didn't have much money and we were picked on a lot at a young age for it. Since I grew up in the country, I went to school with the same kids from grade school to high school. There was no way to get a "fresh start" out there. UGH.

Most of the people that showed up for the reunion were, back then, the "cool" people. I never hung out with ANY of them. So, imagine how I felt when I showed up to see everyone. EEK! Put the brakes on!!

Friday night was the mixer. Everyone met at this bar out north of town. I would guess that there were approximately 20 classmates there. UGH, my memory is SHOT!! I couldn't remember most people's names and some I didn't remember at all. Horrible! I will say this for the males in my class........ DAMN! They sure did grow up right and fine. HOT! I managed to mingle with the sexiest of the sexy men and with most everyone else too. I was dressed to impress. :) After all, you know "how I roll" when I go out.

Saturday, there was a tour of the remodelled high school. I skipped that because I didn't want to drive ALL THE WAY up north. I didn't like it back then. I didn't want to go back there. So, I didn't.

This afternoon, we went to a picnic luncheon at Shawnee Lake. I mingled a little more as new people showed up. That night we all gathered at Blind Tiger for our "formal" dinner. Oh yeah, I was workin it! I looked DAMN good! In fact, I even gotta a little *wink* from one of the "sexy"-s. (Let's just call them the sexys from here on out, shall we?) LOL. More new people showed up and so I used my magical mingling abilities some more. I took my baby girl with me for the dinner. Here's why...

During dinner, one of the "ladies" asked me what I had done since high school. I had spent Friday evening and most of the day Saturday with all these people, and NO ONE had asked me that!!! I told her a brief summary of what I'd done. When the area cleared out, I told Alex that that was the first person to ask me about me throughout the entire pack of events! Now, this is why I love my baby girl so much. Alex said to me, "Well, Momma, you are the most successful looking person here. Maybe they don't want to feel disappointed with themselves when compared to you." Awww. I felt better after that. She always knows what to say. :)

I won't really make any complaints about the reunion - except one generalization. As my friends all know, I'm an openly judgemental person usually. I hadn't seen any of these people for 20 years. That being the case, why would you not "step it up a notch" before going to meet them?? T-shirts and blue jeans??? Really? Is that how you want to be remembered? Maybe it's just me, but I want people to say "wow, she looks great!" and remember me that way. Ce la vie.

OH! Forgot to mention that I'm planning to meet one of the sexys for dinner tomorrow night. Nothing major really. I mean, he lives on the east coast. Still, who wouldn't want to have dinner with a sexy man?? I was the one who extended the invitation. Let's see if it actually pans out, shall we?

3 Posts in One!

I am sooooo sorry! I hadn't realized that it had been almost TWO WEEKS since my last posting. UGH! What is this world coming to when I, of all people, don't have time to blog?? Well, I'll tell ya! It's been a busy life lately. Here's some of what's been going on...

Most of you now know about my "brother" who is now not my brother. (I won't go into any more details about that here though.) What you may not have known about me is that I have 2 other half-brothers and one half-sister (naturally born that way). My sister found Alex online and they began talking. So, I tracked down one of my brothers. OMG. I haven't seen them in over 15 years! I'm so EXCITED!! I talked to my brother tonight, after playing phone tag between last night and today. We are discussing a week visit in a few months. I can't wait!!

Now, I know I'm not a big fanatic of close family ties, but I do want to know my family! I am happy that they seem to be doing well and I want to stay up all night talking about EVERYTHING with them!! Happy day today. :) Oh, here's a pic!

Aren't they GORGEOUS? Of course, they are! LOL.

Ok, next topic. My roommate moves in next weekend. It's going to be a new experience. I'm still nervous, but I'm sure I'm just worrying for nothing. In fact, it's not even a "worry" kind of thing. It's just "not knowing". I'm sure it'll all be fine.

And finally, Alex. Boy, did we have a doosey of a discussion. I'm not one who yells and screams. When I get mad, especially really REALLY mad, I take on a soft, calm, authoritive tone. I reserve this tone for special people. BUT! I did raise my voice, almost to a yell, more than authoritive, but rather DEMANDINGness in my speech when my baby girl dared to try to challenge me and my decision. Oh, buddy! I will not go into the exact detail of this conversation, but let me just say that when I say "don't piss me off", I freaking mean it!

I can count on one hand the number of times that I've had to use this tone with my sweet precious baby girl. It has not been many at all. She deserved a good butt-whippin, and I gave it to her.... verbally. Can you believe that all is well in our home again? All it took was a little reminder that, although I love her and want her to experience life as it comes at her, I am still the MOTHER of her.

What else can I tell you? Ah, the novel. No, it has not taken on a life of it's own. In fact, at the moment, it seems to be comotose. Sad day! I really REALLY need to get off my butt and get it done. I do! I have been attracting more and more fans (surprisingly) over the internet and they are all in search of more of my work. This is both good and bad. I've become lazy with my writing and I just need to get on it!! Sometimes I wish for the days when I could do nothing but sit with a notebook and write everything down. Ahhh, those were the days. Now that I am becoming more and more in demand, I am feeling some pressure. I'm not going to fight it off though. I believe that I am good at what I do and therefore should do it.

So, that's some of what has been going on in my world. I'll try to keep you more up to date on the sibling situation. Did I mention how excited I am?!

.

Your American Idol is...............

CONGRATULATIONS KRIS ALLEN! WOO HOO!!

This is one winner's CD that I absoLUTEly plan to buy! It's about time the winner was someone like Kelly Clarkson, a person who has the vocal talent to be enjoyed by many different fan bases. He's got swagger, charm, rythem, and not to mention, an AWESOME voice! I'm so happy!

.

InSaNiTy on a TuEsDaY

To start the day off, why not have a high speed car chase in the parking lot of my workplace and have everyone crowd around the windows to watch the action!? Oh, Good Morning world! This was how the day started off. Of course, the criminal was apprehended hiding in a bush. Where else would he hide?? I mean, this guy is clearly a genius! LOL. Maybe he was hoping the police would think he was a well-hidden and still unclaimed EASTER EGG! LOL.

Who knows what this guy was thinking, honestly. I'll bet it was something like ...... "______". (Yeah, it's blank.) Read the whole (short) story: http://cjonline.com/news/local/2009-04-21/100_mph_chase_ends_in_arrest

Another crazy thing that happened today:

My neighbor graciously helped us out yesterday by following us to Alex's apartment and loading, then unloading, her biga** television. THANK YOU!! (Good guy.)

Today, Alex had some of her "guy pals" over to move furniture and such down to the basement. Check this out: One of the guys leaves to run to the gas station or something, comes back, and walks directly into THE WRONG HOUSE! According to the neighbor, he said to the kid, "hey, what are you doing in here?" The kid replies, "Am I not supposed to be here?" Um, put down the reefer for a while kid. IT'S THE WRONG HOUSE!

Okay, I think I've figured this one out. For one, the kid is not the brightest crayon in the box (apparently). Two, Alex closed the garage door and the neighbor had opened his. Three, the kid possibly thought it was just ONE house, not a duplex, and that all doors led to the same place. And four, the kid is just stupid. Now, I don't know if this all adds up or not, but.... the neighbor was NOT happy about it! THAT much was absolutely clear.

Before we go, let me talk about the craziness of tonight's American Idol! This is just my opinion, now. I think that Kara should stick to writing for Disney, which is what she has done mostly. The song she wrong for the final performance (which sounded like it was written for Disney) did not fit the genre for either one of the performers. Adam, the rocker, struggled with the way everwordandphrasewasjammedtogether. While Kris, the more mellow/easy listening singer, struggled with the fact that the song was too high for him. What was she thinking???? Wait, I think it was something like this: "______". (Yeah, blank again.) LOL!

There was more craziness, but nothing that I can express on here. Just know, life can sometimes throw you into some loop-dee-loops and you just have to hang on until that part of the ride passes.

Life is CrAzY sometimes!

Goodnight Friends! (I hope Kris wins tomorrow!!!!)

Baby Gotta BooBoo

It is so hard to be a teenager. Heck, it was hard when "I" was a teenager. Being 13-21, anywhere in between, you are trying to find not only your place, but just a place. It's frustrating, exhilarating, trying, and nerve-wracking.

The baby had a bad day. I feel bad that she has to go through the suffering portion of "learning by experience", but it must be done. She explained to me today what she was feeling, what she was going through, and how it was affecting her. I explained to her that I do actually know how she feels. I told her that a lot of what she's going through is the same stuff that adults go through. For example:

1. Friends come and go more quickly when you're young, but as an adult your friends are equally scarce - they have their own lives and families to care for and can't spend as much time with you as you'd like.
2. You have to set limits for yourself. This includes how much crap you'll take from people, how much you drink, how much to save/spend, how long you date before you take the next step.
3. Family time is less frequent. Kids and parents work and have things they want to do alone, or there are conflicting schedules.

For now, the baby is moving home. I am still getting my roommate and the baby will have to make due in the basement for now. I did tell her I was renting out her room. I did tell her that if she came back home that she would have to move to the basement. I also did tell her that there would be a time limit for her to get herself together.

She needs to find another/a different job, get her driver's license, find/buy a car, save up some money before she gets out on her own again.

I reminded the baby how much Daddy and I love her. And that we can't look at the situation of her moving home as a failure. It's not a failure as long as she has learned something from the experience. I'm still so proud of her for taking a shot at it and giving it a try. I love that baby girl of mine. I cannot say it enough.

Happy Birthday!

Last night, I went out with my friend Sheri for her birthday. How fun! I've known her for almost six years now. She's somewhat of an '80's girl, like me. :) And she's awesome. Happy Birthday Lady!! (I know you'll read this soon.)

So, we hadn't had a chance to hang out for a while. It was nice to get some one-on-one time to catch up and share funny stories that you would only share with someone close to you. As most of us "more mature" people know, those kinds of friends become more and more scarce as we get older.

I had asked Sheri what she wanted for her b-day. I told her, "Don't tell me nothing. Women always do that, but secretly they all really want a present. So, just tell me what you would like." (LOL - You ladies know what I'm saying is true!) Her present consisted of 2 monogrammed coffee cups (an S & an M), Pecan coffee, Hazelnut flavored syrup, chocolate biscottis, mocha scented candle, and a gift certificate to my favorite coffeehouse. Wrap all that up, and it was the perfect coffee gift. OH, and I had several of her other friends sign a card for her. That really put a smile on her face to get b-day wishes from people she hadn't seen for a few years now.

After an evening at the Celtic Fox, and trying to talk over the bands that were playing there, we headed out homebound. We sat out in the car for a while and talked some more without the angst of music pounding in our heads. LOL. The night ended with her busting her sides laughing at my most humourous and disgusting date that I'd had in the past year and a half (almost). Perhaps one day I will share the story with all of you here. Perhaps.

Happy Birthday Sheri! Thank you so much for inviting me to share it with you. You rock!

.

I Was A Kid Once Too

Let's just get to the good stuff, shall we? Alex's roommate is kicking her out. Why? Of all reasons, she thinks Alex is a bad influence. HA! Tis to laugh... HYSTARICALLY!!!! She is not a bad influence. She's simply being a teenager. It's time to try new things, experience life without restraint, be a kid!

So, that's the jist of the situation. Just so you know, Alex is not doing anything more than what a lot of us did as a kid. I have no major concerns at this time, and I've told Alex this. I've spent the past few days giving Alex some valuable information that she can appreciate now that she has this experience under her belt:

1. Don't tell everyone everything - people embelish when they repeat information to form an image of you that they want their listeners to see you as.


2. Keep things rated PG when conversing with family (except your mother, of course) - family is always the first to be concerned, overbearing, judgemental, and talkative to others.


3. Depend on yourself first - don't expect that others are going to do their part. Do your own part and let them worry about themselves.


4. Pay yourself first, then your bills, then ask Mom and Dad if you need more. I've told Alex to take $50 - $100 from each paycheck for herself. If you don't pay yourself first, then you often times end up using bill money for "wants" and then it's not their for your "needs".


5. Mommy and Daddy love you, no matter what. I reminded Alex that we are both very proud of her and she is always going to be our "baby".

We talked about her getting her own place in her own name with her own utility bills, etc. I told her that she has a pretty good grip on being responsible for herself and now it's time to add more to the list. I explained how she should start working on her credit and can do so by getting utilities and rent in her name. And how this will help her if she ever needs to get a credit card or a loan. I also explained how you need to treat credit cards as though they only are worth HALF of their total value. (IE: If you have a $1000 max, that card is really only worth $500 if you want to keep a good credit score.)

Life is tough. But, you know what? I'm happy that she's learning these things now rather than when she's 25. She's got a good head on her shoulders and a great support system. I offered to let her come home, but she's so much like me. She said that she needs her space to experience things without someone watching her every move and telling her what she's doing wrong. I can't blame her for that. That's sometimes the best way to learn life's lessons.

Is it bad that I'm not terrified and worried all the time? Or is it good to know that she's intelligent enough to ask for help and let me know when she's in over her head?

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Busy Week / Alone

This week is a busy one for me. Another friend is having a birthday (his 70th) and I got him a cake. I was going to bake him one, but skimped out at the last minute. Where has all my motivation gone?

Friday, I'm giving a baby shower for another friend of mine who is due to have her baby girl soon. I'm excited to finally be able to plan a cool party for someone. I'm happy I've been able to afford to do it right. :) She deserves the very best.

Tonight, however, I'm not feeling so hot. I'm not quite sure what's going on with me. I know that I have these wonderful people around me and life is grand, but still... Tonight, I just feel lonely. I wouldn't say that I feel depressed or sad. I'm just feeling alone.

It happens. Tomorrow is another day, and I know I'll be fine. No worries. For now, I think I'll just slip into bed and read for a bit. Goodnight Friends.

Chillin with my baby!

Unexpectedly, I have not spent very much time with my baby girl over the past couple of weeks. She's doing her own thing, and she's doing it without Momma's help. In fact, her daddy had a few words to say about that. He thinks that I should support her more "financially". Honestly, Alex hardly ever even asks me for money. When she does, I most certainly give it to her. And what she told him may not mean much to you, but it made my heart swell with pride. She told him "when my mom was my age, she had me and she worked hard to make sure that we had what we needed. She didn't ask people for money and neither do I." When she reiterated the story, I told her "thank you" with a hug and a smile.

Last night was the first night in a LOOOONG time that Alex and I got to just hang out together with no plan, no deadlines to be somewhere else, nothing but Momma-Baby time. We started out at Lazio's (of course) to figure out what we wanted to do. We talked for a while about our friends' drama that doesn't include us and then decided to go shoot some pool at Terry's Billiards.

I haven't played pool in a very long time, and Alex doesn't exactly follow the rules. She plays "slop", which I hate, but I let it slide. It was about fun and practicing, not a competition. We played for a little over an hour and she did manage to win one or two games. We weren't paying too much attention to that aspect of the outing. :)

After billiards, we went to eat at a different bar to have dinner. Alex has a date Sunday night and the guy happens to be a cook at Varsity Blues, so that's where we went. I wasn't really hungry, but we mainly just talked. We talked about our values and self-respect, about what we want in our romantic relationships and how we still have a lot of old-fashioned expectations from men, and we talked about our strifes and tribulations that we've been through.

During our conversation, Alex was telling me about some of the things she says to people about me. Most of these things I had heard before in previous conversations with her. And as I listened to the repeat of stories, my heart swelled. I told Alex that for so long I've wanted someone to see the things that I've sacrificed and the things I've gained because of my sacrifices; I wanted someone to see my strengths and my ability to survive; I just wanted someone to notice me for all that I've done and be proud. I told her that she was that person and that I was so happy to have her as my daughter.

When our heartfelt conversation started winding down, we decided to go Karaoke at the Booby Trap bar but it didn't start for a while later. We came back to my place and chilled out for a little bit. A friend of her's called and said that Karaoke wouldn't even start til 11p. I told her that 10 was pushing it, but when we found out it started at 11p, she said that that was late for even her. Instead, we then headed back up to Lazio's again to brainstorm on what else we could do that night. You won't believe what we came up with.....

Hannah Montana: The Movie was playing and we went to see it. LOL! Listen, we have watched this show on the Disney Channel for a long time now. Yes, it's corny. Yes, it's Miley & Billy Ray. Yes, it's funny! Why would we expect anything LESS from the actual movie? The movie was hilarious (if you like slap-stick antics). In fact, several times we busted out laughing so hard! And the little girls sitting behind us were LOL-ing too! Although I'm not much into the "country" ideas and themes, it worked out great! Good little flick right there for Hannah fans.

The night wound down after the movie and it was bedtime. Baby Girl stayed with me and slept on the couch. We had a super awesome time yesterday. I realize these times are going to be fewer and farther between as she gets older.

I'll take 'em while I can.

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Kris Allen is here to stay!

I absolutely LOVED his rendition of this song!

"British" Idol? Not yet!

You KNOW how much I absolutely LOVE American Idol. Did you know that they have "Idol" competitions around the world? Well, this is not from one of them. In fact, it's from "Britain's Got Talent" and it was a total surprise to me how much I really REALLY enjoyed this! If you are a true music lover, I think you'll appreciate it too.

Susan Boyle on Britain's Got Talent
by dwarthy

"Animal" Release Party!

I just got home from watching Charles McVey AGAIN! Alex and I went to "The Jackpot" in Lawrence to see him. It was the official release party for "Animal", their newest CD.

Apparently, the cover art for the CD was stricken from their MySpace page and deemed "offensive". What?? Now, I'm not going to argue the subject. It's beside the point.

The point is, the model for the cover (shown in my previous blog entry) is Scott Campbell. He's absolutely gorgeous. For the release party, Scott was in full garb, as photographed for the cover, and posed on the cross for the entire show. Incredible! I really have to give him props for that. I'm not sure I could do that for an hour and a half.

Halfway through the show, Eric took his shirt off and the crowd went WILD! It was like...... well, it was CRAZY! Don't get me wrong, Eric (on the right) is a good looking guy, but jeez! It's like these people never saw a half-naked man before! LOL.

For the release tour, entitled the "Prayer Tour", Charles (on the left) gets dressed up as a priest in full black with the white collar and wears a cross around his neck. I don't know if the large wooden cross will travel with them for the tour or not.

Blogger's Note:

I just want to make one point clear right here. I have beliefs and I don't feel
like sharing my beliefs on my blog, but I want you to know that I have them.
Still, I do not condone nor convict any religious practices. You do what you
want and we'll see what happens in the end. I only put this on here because I
love Charles McVey's music. THAT is what I love. I will not voice my opinion on
anything else about the man.

Poor baby Alex was sooooooo sleepy by the time we left Lawrence at 1:00am. She slept in the car the whole way home. Awww. We would have stuck around to congratulate our friends on such a terrific show, but ...... baby needed to get to bed. :( It's bedtime for Mommy too.

Charles McVey (sigh) I love you

You've read my raves about him before, but here it is again.

"Animal" album cover
I went to the Upstage Gallery downtown tonight to watch/listen to Charles McVey and his band play. He had copies of his new album "Animal" which isn't due for official release until tomorrow. Nanny-nanny-boo-boo Lawrence, KS! I got it first! Not only did I get a copy, but I got a signed copy that reads "To the foxiest woman in all of Topeka! Love, Charles." That's right! Yeah baby. Oh, I got a cd for Kim too - LOL - but her's reads "Kim, sorry you missed the party! Love, Charles." LOL. That's because she made me go to the show by myself. :( I forgive her.



Okay, although that is awesome and exciting, what's even more exciting is that one of the songs of the night, "Sir", from his previously released album called 'Modern Living', he dedicated to me by announcing "this one is for [Celsi]" (he used my real name), and then pointed directly at me. Awwww, isn't that so absolutely sweet? I am a true fan and I could not have been happier.



Of course, I talked with him for a bit after the show and he would not let me leave without a hug good-bye and some advice for Alex. Alex is doing some promo work for the band "The Big Gigantic". I told Charles about that and he was taken aback. He said that he is doing a show with them up in Lincoln, Nebraska soon. What are the odds??



After I left the show, I immediately went to see Alex at work and relay all the happenings of the night to her. She was disappointed that she could not go with me to see the performance tonight, but she plans to go to the Lincoln show, whenever that is.



What a great night. I may be heading out to Lawrence tomorrow night to see the BIG SHOW that they have planned for the release party of "Animal". You can check out some of the songs off of "Animal" and "Modern Living" at Charles McVey's MySpace website: http://www.myspace.com/charlesmcvey. And if you want to know what the inspiration is to "Animal", you can check out the notes at http://www.lawrence.com/events/2009/apr/10/31018/.

Did I mention that I love this guy?? LOL.

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Adam Lambert's Performance Cut Off on April 7th

If your TIVO or DVR cut off Adam Lambert's performance on Tuesday, April 7th, it was because the show ran long. Take a look at this!

Insanity at it's finest!

Here is a picture of a ceiling mural of a Smoking Lounge.

Now, imagine you are at a party on the tenth floor of a hi-rise building, and then you have to use the bathroom. You open the door.... Now, remember the floor is just a painted floor. It's so realistic though..... Could you 1) make it to the toilet before you wet yourself, or 2) use the toilet even if you made it there!? LOL

Here's something truly insane. This is a public bathroom that a woman is about to step into. Below is the outside of the bathroom...

Now that you've seen the outside view, check out what it looks like from the inside!

It's made out of one-way mirrors! No one can see you from the outside, but from the inside it's like you're sitting in a glass box!! Could you use this bathroom???