Trying Times for Being Mom

I try and I feel that I have succeeded in being a good mother. I have to question whether or not my baby isn't getting not-so-good influence from her "friends" lately though. Alex is legally an adult, and she's got a good head on her shoulders. That is why I've given her free reign to do whatever she wants, for the most part. And, as I said in a previous blog, she is even planning on moving out and starting her independence. Yes, I feel that I've gone a good job.

A friend of mine is considering moving in with me when Alex moves out. I'm excited and nervous, as I have been about all the changes going on in my life over the past six months. I like to know what's going to happen so that I can plan for the future. I would not describe myself as a control freak, but I would say that I like to be prepared. Unfortunately, my preparation skills can not be put into full affect since Alex has an undetermined time frame for her moving, a lack of financial back up for moving out, and a habit of staying out all night with friends doing whatever it is she is doing. I can only hold things together one day at a time lately and hope for the best. So far, so good. But I can't help thinking about the "what if"-s.

What if Alex loses her job? What if she or her roommate fails to meet their financial obligations? What if she gets arrested for underage drinking? Or worse? What if she gets into a car accident? These are the things I think about periodically. I don't actually "worry" about them though because none of these things have happened. Things haven't even had the slightest indication of going downhill. But, as a mother, I feel that I have to be prepared for the worst so that I can rejoice in the fact that nothing bad has happened.

I love my baby. I'm confident that she will do great things because she is already such a great person. After all, I have given her the tools to succeed in life and have shown her that it's okay to screw up once in a while as long as you take from those mistakes the knowledge of the consequences. And Alex has shown, more lately, her appreciation for my support. She's made a few mistakes, and we've had some conversations where voices were raised. In the end, I have expressed that I was not angry, but disappointed with her choice and/or behavior. All it takes is once, and she figures out how to NOT make the same mistake again.

I'll say it again. I love my baby and I do feel that I have been the best mother I can be. Even during these trying times (for me), I am giving her the room to grow and experiment life from the safe haven of home before flying away. I'm very proud of both of us.